As I have been afraid would happen as I blog, my fingers have moved faster than my mind. I would be leaving too much out if I failed to go back and add a few things that in retrospect had a HUGE impact in my adult life.
I am returning back to my adolescent years. I did as most young boys did at this age, I played sports, I fished, I hunted, I camped and trapped along the river I grew up on. I also had a very deep and dirty secret that I kept hidden from everyone in my life. I continued to view pornography, terrible, hardcore porn. Most would think or wonder where I could find such porn in rural Texas, but as I mentioned in my “clubhouse” blog, I had found my stepdads stash, soon I found my grandfathers stash as well, and it was endless.
My grandfather taught me a lot as a kid. He provided a house for my mom and brother and sister and me when mom divorced my stepdad, but looking back now, I realize that he too was ruled by addictions. His addiction to porn was uncontrollable.
In my grandfathers closet I could find magazines in the early years and then videos as VHS came around. One of the heaviest burdens of shamed that I carried after S and mines recovery was the fact that I brought several of these videos into our early homes as we were first married. If any young husbands are reading this blog please let me cry out to you to NEVER allow this to happen. Never allow Satan into your home, into the place that should be sacred to you and your bride like I did, and if you have and you expect any hope for your marriage then get it out of your home NOW. Get it out of your home and you and your wife pray together and close any doors that it opened for the evil one.