As we have wrote in earlier post, S and I grew up in “Small Town USA” where we were able to ride our bikes up and down the streets all day long and fish in the nearby river without any cares or fears. As with most young boys I had a “clubhouse” behind our home. My clubhouse was an old concrete water silo which was probably a pretty dangerous place for a seven or eight year old juvenile to be hanging out, but it was a really cool place for me and my friends.
It just so happened that one of those friends was the cousin of S. He was a few years older than me, and his grandparents lived in the town as well as his mom and stepdad.
One day while at my friends house, he asked me if I wanted to see something, which I of course replied “yes”. He went into his closet and returned with a pornographic magazine. I was scared of what I was looking at, scared of getting caught, scared of liking what I was seeing because I knew it was wrong. I was also captivated. The fears were quickly overcome by the adrenaline rush and looking a porn became a daily event that summer as I had found my stepfather’s “stash” of porn magazines as well. My friend and I got the brilliant idea that we would take some of this porn to our clubhouse and tear the pages out and glue them onto some scrap pegboard we had found and keep it on display. To this day, I remember the images of those women on that pegboard. They were disgusting pictures, degrading the women, as all porn does, but the seed of the addiction had been planted and was growing inside my very young soul.
It was only a few days after our pegboard display that we got caught. I guess that my stepfather was missing some of his favorite magazines and knew exactly where to look. I received a very severe beating.
Many years later pornography still remained in the house where all of my siblings would be exposed to it as well creating their own demons that would haunt them as they grew into adults.