Tag Archives: divorce

Saving lives while throwing one away

ambulance

Meanwhile, back at the firehouse, life was grand.  I had settled into my crew I was learning more and more everyday and was turning into a legend in my own mind.  I was married to my kindergarten sweetheart who was a gorgeous woman, I was enrolled in an EMS class, furthering my medical training, and had great brothers at the firehouse that I spent a third of my days with.

As my medical training continued, I was required to spend a certain amount of hours doing rotations as a student at hospitals in various departments.  It was during one of these rotations that another female student I was in class with asked me to go home with her.

S and I were young, and as I have wrote in the past, both came from broken homes.  She didn’t know how to be a wife and I certainly didn’t know how to be a husband, as nobody had ever taught us. Things were rocky around our home from time to time, as I’m sure they are with any new marriage. We would fight and argue over petty, simple things.  Things that didn’t matter. Unfortunately all I knew was pornography and how those women looked and acted and the things they did.  This is what I thought a wife was supposed to do, this is how I thought I should be treated because I was so prideful and selfish that I thought I deserved these things.  I accepted the invitation from this woman, 20 plus years older than me, diving into the first of many affairs just over a year into our marriage.

This was a very short lived relationship, as S became suspicious, and class came to an end, but the damage had been done, the path to darkness had been taken, and a road that took over twenty years to get off of was being traveled.

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The Prince Every Little Girl Dreams Of….

valentineAs we dated, it was like part of a fairy tale.  E’s grandparents, on his dad’s side, lived in a beautiful home in town and His grandparents, on his mom’s side, were very sweet home grown country, with beautiful hearts and a small country place. Both sets of E’s grandparents helped raise him.  The best of both worlds…

As I started to get to know E and his family it was like it was from a storybook…

I am going to share some of the things that stood out to me that said what kind of man I thought E was, when in fact there was so much hurt and scars on the inside that wouldn’t come out until later. When people “pretend to be normal”, they “appear to be normal” until something comes along to break the ease of pretending in their lives.  They pretend to be the person they desire to be but soon that brokenness on the inside works it’s way to the surface.

On our first date we went to the varsity vs. alumni basketball game. As the game was finished E asked me if I would like to go to get a soda and ice cream or get a bite to eat. He said, “you tell me to jump and all that I will ever ask is how high”. What woman doesn’t want a man that feels this way about her?  We went to the Sonic where we met and E’s last post was partially correct. Smiling, I put my hands on my hips and asked, “are you gonna kiss me or not”. A beautiful smile came to his face and he did.

As we continued dating there were many things that made me think he really cared about me.  I was getting ready for school one morning and I cut my fingernail when I was shaving my legs…don’t ask.  Ladies, you probably all know what I’m talking about.  That afternoon when I came home from school…I had flowers with a simple card attached that read, ” I hope your finger is better”.  The sweetest thing ever!

On Valentines Day when I went to get in my car, after school I opened the door and tons of red balloons started floating out of my car.  My car had red streamers draping all over it.  There was a box of chocolates in my seat with a card and flowers. We still went out to eat that evening for Valentines.  Always such beautiful things for a girl to see.

Please, do not get me wrong. I have an amazing husband and would not trade what God has taught us from our valleys. We want to share our story to bring glory to Him and possibly help a marriage.

Sometimes things are not as though they appear. E appeared to have this beautiful family life and even though several divorces had taken place with his parents, it seemed like everyone who had influence in his life was a christian with good character and great morals.  Things are not always as they appear.

 

 

That first kiss

Yes she did!  She gave me a bogus phone number that I kept in my super cool Ocean Pacific velcro wallet for several years.  Years that I thought of her often, until that day.  That day that she described in the last blog, when I pulled up beside her and she had me.

After our first date when she came and watched me play in a faculty versus players basketball game we went to the same Sonic drive in that we had reunited at, grabbed a drink, and I drove her home.  I walked her to the door, and after telling her thanks for going with me, and that I had a nice time she took my hand and said “aren’t  you going to kiss me?”  It was a wonderful kiss that I remember to this day. I will remember it forever.

We began a courtship.  In retrospect I wish it could have been different, but it was far better than what I see today with some teenagers.  We talked. Talked for hours upon hours on real telephones.  Not telephones you could drive down the road with while emailing and checking the weather at the same time.  Real phones, connected the the wall with real cords, and we had real conversations.  I enjoyed those days.  We dated.  I drove to her home, picked her up, and we went to a movie, or to dinner, you know, a real date.  We both courted to the best we knew how…and it worked.

I’m so thankful she fell in love with me!

 

The Drag

Sonic

From the “World of Games” where we met again in junior high school. I gave E my dad’s phone number, because I didn’t go there but only on holiday’s.  I had a crush on another little boy and thought that would be good so that I didn’t have to tell him I liked someone else.  Which takes us to our high school years.

I was still being raised by an amazing, hard working, beautiful mother as well as the best Me-Ma and Pe-Pa in the entire world.  Being taught daily about God’s love and the only thing people cannot take away from you is your salvation and your ability to tell the truth.   My grandfather was a deacon in the church, my mother and grandmother had always taught a Sunday School Class and helped with things in the church. My dad’s mother, my Grandma was a piano player and had written a book over the Rapture. She and my Pa-pa owned a grocery store. She always inquired to see who all entered her store was a Christian and if they were not they had many sermons in their future. She was also a teacher and combining the two, she did it well.

The thing to do on a Friday and Saturday nights was to ride the drag in Stephenville. This consisted of circling the McDonald’s parking lot, driving down main street and circling Sonic. My friend Deanna and I had just finished drill team try-outs and decided to drive the drag. We pulled up at Sonic and pulled up next to us were a jeep full of cute guys. Two of them took our numbers and asked if they could call us. We went to school in a small town about 12 miles from Stephenville. The funny thing was, the boy who took my friend’s number, he called me. He had only known me, he thought, for a couple of days. We went to an alumni basketball game, a sports banquet and continued to date. I distinctively remember him telling me, “you tell me to jump, the only thing I will ask is how high.”  I thought this was odd because I certainly hadn’t ever heard of my parents talk like this and couldn’t remember my grandparents talking like this.

I didn’t see a lot of affection from my parents and not a lot from my grandparents but was sure about ONE THING!  I knew that  my Me-Ma and Pe-Pa looked at one another there was a love there I had never seen but I knew that’s the kind of love I wanted when I got married. It was a kind, patient, slow to anger. Did they argue? You bet! Did they communicate? My Me-Ma communicated and forced my Pe-Pa to talk. He had to quit high school and go work to support his family. He could not speak well but his granddaughter thought he hung the moon and the stars.

At the time we started dating, I was also fulfilling my reign as Miss Dublin and he went with us to our parades. We were getting a soda after a parade one afternoon and he asked me to get money out of his wallet. I was taken back by all of the pockets in his Ocean Pacific wallet…you remember the 80’s velcro wallets?  I was looking in all the little pockets and pulled out an old, yellow piece of paper. It was my dad’s phone number that I had given him in junior high…in my hand writing. You know, the BIG, BUBBLE handwriting that was also popular in the 80’s?

The mean, little boy riding bikes to the scared little boy asking me to skate then the young teenager getting my phone number at the game room to my boyfriend my junior year in high school.