Tag Archives: firefighter

Saving lives while throwing one away

ambulance

Meanwhile, back at the firehouse, life was grand.  I had settled into my crew I was learning more and more everyday and was turning into a legend in my own mind.  I was married to my kindergarten sweetheart who was a gorgeous woman, I was enrolled in an EMS class, furthering my medical training, and had great brothers at the firehouse that I spent a third of my days with.

As my medical training continued, I was required to spend a certain amount of hours doing rotations as a student at hospitals in various departments.  It was during one of these rotations that another female student I was in class with asked me to go home with her.

S and I were young, and as I have wrote in the past, both came from broken homes.  She didn’t know how to be a wife and I certainly didn’t know how to be a husband, as nobody had ever taught us. Things were rocky around our home from time to time, as I’m sure they are with any new marriage. We would fight and argue over petty, simple things.  Things that didn’t matter. Unfortunately all I knew was pornography and how those women looked and acted and the things they did.  This is what I thought a wife was supposed to do, this is how I thought I should be treated because I was so prideful and selfish that I thought I deserved these things.  I accepted the invitation from this woman, 20 plus years older than me, diving into the first of many affairs just over a year into our marriage.

This was a very short lived relationship, as S became suspicious, and class came to an end, but the damage had been done, the path to darkness had been taken, and a road that took over twenty years to get off of was being traveled.

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The Prince Every Little Girl Dreams Of….

valentineAs we dated, it was like part of a fairy tale.  E’s grandparents, on his dad’s side, lived in a beautiful home in town and His grandparents, on his mom’s side, were very sweet home grown country, with beautiful hearts and a small country place. Both sets of E’s grandparents helped raise him.  The best of both worlds…

As I started to get to know E and his family it was like it was from a storybook…

I am going to share some of the things that stood out to me that said what kind of man I thought E was, when in fact there was so much hurt and scars on the inside that wouldn’t come out until later. When people “pretend to be normal”, they “appear to be normal” until something comes along to break the ease of pretending in their lives.  They pretend to be the person they desire to be but soon that brokenness on the inside works it’s way to the surface.

On our first date we went to the varsity vs. alumni basketball game. As the game was finished E asked me if I would like to go to get a soda and ice cream or get a bite to eat. He said, “you tell me to jump and all that I will ever ask is how high”. What woman doesn’t want a man that feels this way about her?  We went to the Sonic where we met and E’s last post was partially correct. Smiling, I put my hands on my hips and asked, “are you gonna kiss me or not”. A beautiful smile came to his face and he did.

As we continued dating there were many things that made me think he really cared about me.  I was getting ready for school one morning and I cut my fingernail when I was shaving my legs…don’t ask.  Ladies, you probably all know what I’m talking about.  That afternoon when I came home from school…I had flowers with a simple card attached that read, ” I hope your finger is better”.  The sweetest thing ever!

On Valentines Day when I went to get in my car, after school I opened the door and tons of red balloons started floating out of my car.  My car had red streamers draping all over it.  There was a box of chocolates in my seat with a card and flowers. We still went out to eat that evening for Valentines.  Always such beautiful things for a girl to see.

Please, do not get me wrong. I have an amazing husband and would not trade what God has taught us from our valleys. We want to share our story to bring glory to Him and possibly help a marriage.

Sometimes things are not as though they appear. E appeared to have this beautiful family life and even though several divorces had taken place with his parents, it seemed like everyone who had influence in his life was a christian with good character and great morals.  Things are not always as they appear.

 

 

That first kiss

Yes she did!  She gave me a bogus phone number that I kept in my super cool Ocean Pacific velcro wallet for several years.  Years that I thought of her often, until that day.  That day that she described in the last blog, when I pulled up beside her and she had me.

After our first date when she came and watched me play in a faculty versus players basketball game we went to the same Sonic drive in that we had reunited at, grabbed a drink, and I drove her home.  I walked her to the door, and after telling her thanks for going with me, and that I had a nice time she took my hand and said “aren’t  you going to kiss me?”  It was a wonderful kiss that I remember to this day. I will remember it forever.

We began a courtship.  In retrospect I wish it could have been different, but it was far better than what I see today with some teenagers.  We talked. Talked for hours upon hours on real telephones.  Not telephones you could drive down the road with while emailing and checking the weather at the same time.  Real phones, connected the the wall with real cords, and we had real conversations.  I enjoyed those days.  We dated.  I drove to her home, picked her up, and we went to a movie, or to dinner, you know, a real date.  We both courted to the best we knew how…and it worked.

I’m so thankful she fell in love with me!

 

The Drag

Sonic

From the “World of Games” where we met again in junior high school. I gave E my dad’s phone number, because I didn’t go there but only on holiday’s.  I had a crush on another little boy and thought that would be good so that I didn’t have to tell him I liked someone else.  Which takes us to our high school years.

I was still being raised by an amazing, hard working, beautiful mother as well as the best Me-Ma and Pe-Pa in the entire world.  Being taught daily about God’s love and the only thing people cannot take away from you is your salvation and your ability to tell the truth.   My grandfather was a deacon in the church, my mother and grandmother had always taught a Sunday School Class and helped with things in the church. My dad’s mother, my Grandma was a piano player and had written a book over the Rapture. She and my Pa-pa owned a grocery store. She always inquired to see who all entered her store was a Christian and if they were not they had many sermons in their future. She was also a teacher and combining the two, she did it well.

The thing to do on a Friday and Saturday nights was to ride the drag in Stephenville. This consisted of circling the McDonald’s parking lot, driving down main street and circling Sonic. My friend Deanna and I had just finished drill team try-outs and decided to drive the drag. We pulled up at Sonic and pulled up next to us were a jeep full of cute guys. Two of them took our numbers and asked if they could call us. We went to school in a small town about 12 miles from Stephenville. The funny thing was, the boy who took my friend’s number, he called me. He had only known me, he thought, for a couple of days. We went to an alumni basketball game, a sports banquet and continued to date. I distinctively remember him telling me, “you tell me to jump, the only thing I will ask is how high.”  I thought this was odd because I certainly hadn’t ever heard of my parents talk like this and couldn’t remember my grandparents talking like this.

I didn’t see a lot of affection from my parents and not a lot from my grandparents but was sure about ONE THING!  I knew that  my Me-Ma and Pe-Pa looked at one another there was a love there I had never seen but I knew that’s the kind of love I wanted when I got married. It was a kind, patient, slow to anger. Did they argue? You bet! Did they communicate? My Me-Ma communicated and forced my Pe-Pa to talk. He had to quit high school and go work to support his family. He could not speak well but his granddaughter thought he hung the moon and the stars.

At the time we started dating, I was also fulfilling my reign as Miss Dublin and he went with us to our parades. We were getting a soda after a parade one afternoon and he asked me to get money out of his wallet. I was taken back by all of the pockets in his Ocean Pacific wallet…you remember the 80’s velcro wallets?  I was looking in all the little pockets and pulled out an old, yellow piece of paper. It was my dad’s phone number that I had given him in junior high…in my hand writing. You know, the BIG, BUBBLE handwriting that was also popular in the 80’s?

The mean, little boy riding bikes to the scared little boy asking me to skate then the young teenager getting my phone number at the game room to my boyfriend my junior year in high school.

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Pac Man vs Asteroids

video archade

And so the relationship began with the annoying little girl that couldn’t ride her girly purple bicycle with those stupid sparkly fringes from the handlebars and a basket with a flower on it!  She couldn’t pop a wheelie or peel out or even come to a sliding stop, but something about her captivated me even then.

Unfortunately I was captivated by much more around this time of my life as well…pornography.  I had found a stash of my stepdad’s magazines in a box  in our laundry room and took several of them outside to my “clubhouse” where me and the little girl’s cousin tore pictures out and pasted them on pegboards.  They were disgusting pictures, degrading the women as all pornography does, but the seed of the addiction had been planted.  For the several years in my life this seed was fed by molestation, being a child in an abusive home that eventually ended in yet another divorce, and a constant desire to view pornography.

After the divorce my mom relocated us back to the small town that she was raised in, and where I had met the annoying little training wheel girl.  Her cousin had moved away, and it had been many years since we had seen each other until one night at the roller rink when God crossed our paths again…AND IT WAS GOOD!

To this day I remember the curly headed blonde with her beautiful eyes and puffy sleeves.  I remember how terrified I was when the lights in the roller rink dimmed and the announcer said it was time to find a partner to skate with, because I knew where I was headed.  Amazingly when I asked her to skate with me she said “yes” and we held hands, while I prayed I wouldn’t fall, and we circled the rink to the song “Babe” by Styx.  We never said a word to each other until the song was over when my voice resembled a young rooster when I told her “thanks”.  She laughed and skated away.  She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

I continued to be exposed to pornography, and multiple babysitters that molested me often.  Molested is a term I use now, because at the time it fueled my sexual addiction and fulfilled my early teenage fantasies.  God crossed our paths again…AND IT WAS GOOD…AGAIN!

Before drivers license, kids would get our parents to drop us off at the local mall which had a movie theater, a video arcade, and a Wal Mart.  One night while, wearing my parachute pants with a matching jacket and playing my favorite video game, asteroids, the training wheel girl that I hadn’t been able to quit thinking of since the night we skated together, walked in the door, dropped a quarter in the Mrs. Pac Man machine and captured my heart once again.

 

 

Ditching the training wheels!

training wheels

As I reflect on where to start, asking God to let my words be His. You will later see, E is the writer in the family. He has an amazing gift of putting his feelings into words.  Jesus told His story with His hands nailed to a tree and I struggle with sharing the story of what His grace has done for us.

My parents divorced when I was 5. Many of my friends were going through, or had been through, the divorce of their parents. Praise Jesus that I had an amazing mother and grandparents to love me to a place that made everything okay. My Pe-Pa and Me-Ma were the people, along with the absolute best mother in the entire world, that would shape and bless me with the values that would later play a part in saving my marriage.

A few months post my parent’s separation I didn’t realize I had met the man I would marry.  At the time there’s  NO WAY anyone could’ve convinced me I would marry this mean little boy.  It started when Pe-Pa loaded up my beautiful, purple bike in the back of his old, green Ford pick-up as he, Me-Ma, my momma and I head to visit my Uncle Charles and my new cousins…Uncle Charles had recently married Diana who had 2 kids Kari and Michael, who happened to be around my age. They lived in a small town with one gas station, maybe two churches and their school only went up to the fifth grade.  Pe-Pa was in the process of teaching me to ride a bicycle….yes, without training wheels.  He thought this would be a good day to practice. Little did he know it would cause me years and years of my future husband laughing at my lack of riding ability, at the age of five. As my Pe-Pa stepped outside to have another go at running behind my bike as I frantically peddled, guess who pulled up on their bike?  Michael’s best friend. He started laughing at me because I had training wheels.  I was determined that no mean little boy was going to get the best of me.  As they rode off down the road, I tried over and over again. The training wheels came off and by the end of that beautiful Sunday afternoon, I was riding my beautiful purple bike WITHOUT training wheels thanks to that mean little boy making fun of me.

 

 

And it begins…

We are a couple going on 25 years of marriage.  Twenty of those years were filled with lies, deceit, and hurt.  We will share our story from the beginning when we met as small children riding bicycles together in a small rural town, and will continue throughout my fire service career until the present day recovery of our marriage.

We want to share our story as a story of the power of God and His unconditional love for us.  We want our story to provide hope for those drowning in addiction and infidelity, and allow comfort to be found in the fact that these issues will not always define your marriage.